Thursday, 31 July 2014

Hiwi the kiwi writing

WALT: persuade 

Task: to write a persuasive piece of writing about fishing for the future 

My dad and I were down to the beach with our fishing rods. It was 4:30 I the morning because that's when the fish are snapping. We got into the boat and stuck the fish ruler on the side. I put my life jacket on. " dad put that life jacket on" I said. "Fine" Dad said. Then we're off. We stopped and casted our fishing lines out. Sraight away I caught a fish and it was huge I threw it back. "Why did you do that ?" dad said. Then a huge wave got us and the boat flipped. I was bobbing up and down and then I saw the can with the flares in it. I dived under the water and got it and  got the beacon out and I shot the fire rocket and the plane came over and then the orange smoke and the goes back. Then a speed boat comes with the engine going vrooooooom then he picked me up then dad was screaming heeeelp and we picked him up and we got back to shoore. " what a day" I said.

Evaluation: I think I could work on having more action

Feed back:  

Cooper I think you did a good job but you could describe it a little more. So out of 10 I give you a 8/10.

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